Man I am so pissed off (serious topic) /rant /block of text

Smelly old Hob · Post by **Smelly old Hob** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:25 pm

I am sorry I have to get this off my chest this is too much for me to keep bottled in.

Back story: My Mom got married to my step dad after she had my brother, I never considered him my step brother just my brother, I love him to death.
Well when I was sixteen and in my sophmore year of high school my mom and step dad were both going to college and because they didn't trust the school system them had pulled my little brother out of school, he was 9 at the time, stress made them divorce, my step dad got my brother on weekends then. My mom decided to press on through college however how was she to keep going and still take care of my brother?

My mom decided the best thing to do was to take me out of Highschool, forcing my to give up my scholarship oppurtunities, friends, activities and everything else. Well ok, I said to myself I'll roll with this she had promised to help me with my getting into college/putting me through etc. I had had aspirarations towards being a counselor, (I know shut up) and she was offering to help me take care of them.

Year one I tried to get a part time job so I could afford a car, shot down, no one in a 20 mile radius was hiring (lived in a very backwoods town at the time) and my mom refused to take me to work.

Year two a similar attempt with similar results, so I am sitting at 18 years of age with no liscense, no car, no job, no friends, no relationships outside of family what so ever. A total shut in social and every other way. Thank God I had the iternet at that time or I probably would have lost my mind.

Year three similar to the fist to except for a month or two an old friend came by but soon was too disgusted with what he saw was ME not caring about my life and where it was going. THAT was a blow both physical and emotional.

Year four my mom finished college, I had recently found work at a junior high as a Classroom Aide. The wages were crap but better than anything. I asked when I might be able to go to college, and was told. "I dunno." Four months later my mom brought home this scruffy looking guy she had met on the internet, she then asked me when I planed to move out so I started renting a trailer for awhile from this crazy cat lady. Well apparently my mom had found a well of cash because she was able to move to a house in
the price range of 400k and it wasn't this new guys doing as he is a janitor.
(Nothing against any janitors my best friend at work was the janitor.) Well, I couldn't afford to live at the trailer for long since the school did not have a summer school program. So I had to move to the big city and start living with my Grandma, my mom had no room at her place because she had filled the other spaces with her stuff and he "friends" stuff.

Now here I am no job, no car, no friends, no life, no schooling. I find the school I was working at now has a program to put Aides through school, and yesterday I called my brother up to chat and he couldn't talk long. I asked why and he tells me. "Well mom is taking me to (insert prestigeous culinary college here _________ and gonna start paying my dues and getting me done with college." He's 15 years old and she's putting him through college.

Now I am not mad at my brother or anything stupid like that, I am incredibly happy for him, he is getting the oppourtunity I wish I had been given. Everything I have done has been with the thought of, it's bettering my family, however I am finding out the my family seems to care very little what basic needs, I may have acknowledgement careing for MY dreams. I feel like I bent over backwards for my family and instead of taking the gesture kindly I was screwed in the ass and left to the side. I was always brought up on the notion that family takes care of its own. But I am finding more and more I was the only one taking that seriously and everyone else was more of an all for one non for anyone else mentality.

It breaks my heart to think about it and it kills me to write this but I know if I didn't it would just eat me up inside and make me into a bitter angry person. I feel like I am at a dead end in life, and wonder if I can ever get out of this rut. I am begginning to hate my life and myself, turning this anger inside. If I didn't love my family as much as I do and have as much faith in God as I do I would have taken my life years ago.

I know my problems dont amount to a hill of beans to most people and to those people I am sorry to have taken up your time with my meaningless post, I just felt the need for release and this is the safest place I know of to do it.

Buzzkill · Post by **Buzzkill** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:56 pm

Just because shes your mom, and an adult, doesnt mean shes right.

My mom dumped my sister, brother and me on our dad one day because she wanted to live "the single life". And according to her, kids arnt a part of that. My dad worked 7 days a week in a grocery store to feed us.

I kinda know what your goin through dude, its a real bitch. Especially when all youre looking for is someone to tell you that its going to be ok.

When i turned 18, I joined the army. Im amazed how those 4 years really help me turn my life around physically and mentally. It gave me the opertunity to take a step back, take a breath, and figure out where I wanted to go in life.

I hope things turn out for the best for you. If you need advice, dont hesitate to ask here. Im sure someone can give you the right answer.

Sullen · Post by **Sullen** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:27 pm

I actually read this, thought "your family is apparently doing ok now, do something for yourself... and the military might be the best way to get back on your feet."

And there's pronk with a positive experience with it. Pros: school, job, taking care of yourself. cons: low pay, have to listen to those above you, no wow from basic -> tech school.

hxiss · Post by **hxiss** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:37 pm

im apposed to the idea of military honestly. if you think you can do it by all means try but i think it could cuz more probs if your already haveing probs coping with your life... i have a freind now who was a jornalist in the military and he went to iraq and seen some bad things including a sertain mishap that he was supposed to lie about and say it went so well. he was discarged cuz he refused to write there side of the story and he was on the verge of taking his own life.

im not gonna sit here and say military is bad al together but it takes a sirtain amout of mental stabilty to make it out. so really you can only be the judge of yourself and ask yourself if you can handle the mental and physical stress that the military would place on you.

Smelly old Hob · Post by **Smelly old Hob** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 12:21 am

God do I wish I could join the military, ever since I was a kid I wanted to join, and to this day I do. Unfortunetly they would not accept me last time I went in because of my level of asthma. I have been working on my tolerence towards hard labor running jogging and such before I have an attack. I figure when I can run 15 minutes or so w/o an attack after I'll go and try again.

Way back when in Jr. High I was in the RoTC program and it was a dream come true. It's definetly something I'de love to do, hell make a career out of it if I can.

Bonus would be my mom would shit a brick when she heard I was accepted and starting boot camp in X amount of weeks. XD

Buzzkill · Post by **Buzzkill** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 4:05 am

If you didnt make it past meps they will keep a file on you for 5 years. after that, you can reapply. It will show that you tried to join, but wont say why you didnt.

I would check with a recruiter. There are always ways around the rules. It just depends on how bad you want it.

Gl bro. Go 19D, thats where the fun shit is

hxiss · Post by **hxiss** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:33 am

i can tell you right now, recruters are doing w/e they can to get ppl in. ive had 3 ppl i know go to a recruter and he even had asthma but this guy over looked it as long as he could pass the physical and he did

bush is just spitting more of them over seas all the time

im not very happy about it but i have a respect for ne1 whos willing to do it cuz i nvr could.

but 1 guy i cant stand omg he went over there 1 times and then for 4 yrs said he wanted to go back and he did over a yr ago.. hes back but i lost respect for him cuz he loves the war

he sucked tho he loved being at the prison cuz he could be as much of an ass as he wanted to be. i think if guys like him werent in the military then we would have alot more probs here than we do now lol.
ok shutty up now
bye

Sullen · Post by **Sullen** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 6:35 am

Heh, hxiss is right about the recruiters, but they only get to talk to ya... get sent to meps and find out if you can get in.

Wish my schools had a JROTC program... that woulda been great.

Ciriene · Post by **Ciriene** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 10:55 am

Hi ,
I hardly know you, but your story was indeed touching and I felt compeled to comment.

I'm saddened to hear your mother could treat you so ; ;
Freakshow is 100% right. Mother, family, Does not = 100% your best interest. As a mother of 5 boys, 3 fully grown, I can't understand it myself, however I have seen it happen time and time again.

You did leave school young and had all the odds stacked against you, military life isnt 100% out. Depending on what it is you want to do there.
Recruiters are taking people with disabilities to fit into particular jobs that would suit their disabilities. I know ; ; Its hard to look at otherwise. It's not so much to "Push them through" but to fill positions that have been left open due to so many going overseas.

I am a VERY Proud mother of a US Marine. It doesnt mean either he or I support the war effort. What it means is it was his lifelong dream, he wanted to serve his country and he enlisted. I cry for him everyday as I am petrified for him. But it is a good career opportunity, and at this time, seems to be the only guaranteed job with benefits and a future.

That said, if you can take another shot at the military, they may have a new opportunity for you.

If not, there are many many many jtpa things going on throughout the country. Take it from me, I left school @14 to have a baby. Went back finished school, went to college while raising my family and got a pretty decent education.

You have the worlds most powerful tool at your disposal. The internet. Use it =) you may be shocked at the chances being offered through grants, scholorships, and job training programs, for those that dropped out of school.

You sound like a very well grounded young man, whos heart is in the right place. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel now, but faith and strength will take you a long way. No i'm not preaching

Remember, we learn from everything in our lives. As long as you continue to grow and use these life experiences, your unstoppable!~ Don't let others stand in your way. Its your life. Prove to them your worth more than they gave you credit for. More importantly, prove to yourself your worth more

I'm sorry I am horrible at keeping my train of thought so tthis may be a jumbled mess. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on or someone to just chew the fat with, I don't judge or criticize, I just listen. The answer is usually found within ourselves and found when we have someone to just listen.

<3 Dea!~

Smelly old Hob · Post by **Smelly old Hob** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 4:41 pm

I wanna just thank everyone for the support they have given, I truely am touched by this out pouring. I will take all of your advice to heart.

Thanks Dan for your advice, and sharing with me a bit of your life to show me to take heart and pull through like you have. I am saddened to hear you were treated like that since I know you are one of the cooler guys I have met and one with a terrific sense of humor to boot and you sure as hell never deserved any wrong done to you, I surely do miss seeing your hot keys and chatting with ya in /gu.

Thank you Hxiss for your advice and concern, I will be taking you up on your advice you sent me through P-mail. I have all ready tried other things however so I dont know how effective anything else can be. As for dealing with military life, I feel like I have the mental stabability to deal with it, I have yet to snap and hurt anyone yet, and really I find there are so many positions within the military that dont really require you to have to be in bad situations. Hell I could prolly get a good start on a computer sciences degree. =D

Sullen you are right some of my family is doing pretty okay now, it's one of those set ups where it's just extremes mostly. My mom is doing okay now a days, she's of the mentallity that she is going to re live her teenage years and do all the teenage things she liked to do. Drink, party, stay up all night sleep all day.

I really feel bad for my brother in that he still is living with her and going to have to put up with her crap for another two years, she has been starting to take drugs and drink from what I have understood in talking to him, something called absinth(sp?) I dont know I am told it has wurmwood in it or something that makes you hallucinate and such.
My mom has always been a little emotional I cannot begin to count the times she told me when I was younger how she wished she had never had children/just put me up for adoption, or that she could run away or just kill herself. This was to a five year old mind you. I can only imagin how these new things will affect her.

Last but not least I want to thank you Dea for your insight as a parent, I always figured I would better understand her when I myself had children, however it seems to me that it will only make me more angry when I come to know that joy. I only hope and pray that I myself will not continue the vicious cycle, that was laid out for my brother and I.

Also to your advice about using the internet, I have recently signed up at a place that does job placement and offers online courses, I have requested a Un: and Pw: so I can log on and check it out but they have been slow to supply me with one. (@_@)

I fell into a pit trap of believing that your family will do what they can to work as a team for the betterment of all, I had to learn some hard and hurtful lessons about this but I feel I will be a stronger person because of it and because of the friends I have here.

I am sorry once again if I came off at all, "woe is me" I am thankful that my situation is not as bad as it could be and all I have to deal with is this stuff.

Thank you all for being so supportive.

Ciriene · Post by **Ciriene** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:25 pm

Smelly old Hob wrote: I am sorry once again if I came off at all, "woe is me" I am thankful that my situation is not as bad as it could be and all I have to deal with is this stuff.

Thank you all for being so supportive.

Not at all. You just sounded like someone who had been backed into a cage. Your faith and beliefs in the family unit had been tested.
Sometimes, when we feel caged like that, we want to cry out for help, but don't know which way to turn. We become immobilized and then stagnant and then sometimes begin to think we are worthless.

You made a wonderful step forward on your own

I have a list of many many sites which help with grants etc and jta.

If your interested just let me know. Its not generally something I share with people in a fanatasy world such as WoW

Lastly, your quite welcome and the offer still stands. If you ever wanna just chitchat Im here

Keeps us up on your progress. I have a feeling your an unstoppable force hehe and will be going places!~

Hugz
Dea!~

Post by **Rayne** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:32 pm

To long, Didn't read.

Smelly old Hob · Post by **Smelly old Hob** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:36 pm

::Summary for Rayne::

Ninjas stole my lucky charms, I went on a mystical journery through 13th century Japan to retrieve said charms and learned a valuable lesson in the process which was to always keep a Hadoken ready for emergencies.

Oh and I may hit you up on that Dea if this other thingamabober doesn't go through. I dont actually play wow I just like hassling TE. =D

Sullen · Post by **Sullen** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:37 pm

those lucky charms... always cause a world of trouble

hxiss · Post by **hxiss** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 11:51 pm

a guy i dated in highschool went into the military!!! freind of mine told me he found a loophole in the system the military has.... if you are active in college, they well be reluctant to send you off to active service.

hes been getting his college paid for and hes now capable of making wepons of mass destruction.......prolly a bad thing considering the time me and a freind of mine tried to ask him where my freinds bf was and he shushed us and in his mind speaking out loud to himself used chimicals and DNA to create and angel

and then the angle told him where the guy we were looking for was

hes alil nutty but hes like a mad scientist......to smart for the worlds own good lol if we see apocolips id blaim him

but neway hes been eating it up in this loophole. hes been in service for 6 yrs now and soaking up all the education he can and not haveing to leave for more that 1 weekend outta the month for training or w/e they do i forget lol

hes got it made and once hes done he could get a carrier with the govenment if he wants to