The Twilight Movie is Totally Awesome!

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Lies! It is not totally awesome! The following is copied from http://irritatedtulsan.wordpress.com/20 ... /twilight/

Ooh, Robert Pattinson.  Ooh, Taylor Lautner.  Ooh, Kristen Stewart.  Ooh, the others no one cares about.  The second movie in the Twilight saga, New Moon, opens today.

I saw the first one, but only because I discovered Redbox.  I figured, “it’s only a dollar, what could I lose?”  Two hours of my life.  What a horrible piece of anus-puss.  Teenage girls around the world, along with my creepy uncle, will cream their pants at every shirtless Lautner scene.  Buy stock in Hanes for Her.

The streets will not be safe on opening night. I plan to stay at home.  Too many orgasmic females in their dad’s car wishing they were old enough to drive stick.  In fact, there are dozens of other things I’d rather do than see that damn movie.  Here are twenty of them:

20. Shave my armpits with Martha Stewarts teeth.

19. Catch the H1N1 virus … twice.

18. Paper cut the corners of my mouth.

17. Use a potato peeler to remove the outer layer of my tongue.

16. Sandpaper my eyebrows off.


15. Scrape the dry dead skin off my feet, mix it with a gel and eat it on a Ritz.

14. Read Sarah Palin’s boo … actually, I’d rather see the movie.

13. Get prison-raped by Bert and Ernie.

12. Bend over and lick my own ass.

11. Wear my mom’s panti … actually, I’d rather read Palin’s book.

10. Pretend like I’m a Dingo and eat a baby.

9. Drink of a glass of cold roast fat.

8. Offer nipple-piercings at nursing homes.

7. Listen to the ocean in Michelle Duggar’s vagina.

6. Staple birds to my scalp.

5. Get hair plugs on my back, and then wax my chest.

4. Remove my nose hairs with a leaf blower.

3. Order a Dirty Sanchez at Taco Bell.

2. Spank an actual monkey.

1. Change my name to Buttersprinkles Hookerjet.

[Terryn]

11/10


This post is win

[Thine]

"3. Order a Dirty Sanchez at Taco Bell."


HAHAAHAHHAAHAHAAH Fkin awesome!!!

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"From [Dropzoffire]: I dare you to talk about the twilight movie in gchat"

[Drooid]

It's just so he has someone to talk to about it with!