EQOA guide program

Severian · Post by **Severian** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:14 pm

Well, almost a year after I applied I finally got accepted

"Hello!

Congratulations! Your application for the EverQuest Guide Program has passed our grading process and we would like to take this opportunity to extend an invitation to you to become a member of the program for EverQuest Online Adventures. Please reply to this email and let us know whether or not you are still interested (please Reply All).

Thank you for your patience during this process. Getting selected is quite an accomplishment with the fierce competition. Well done! We look forward to hearing from you.

On behalf of the EQOA SMT,

Taesha the Fair
Senior Guide
Grobb Training Team
Policy Team Chair"

To which I replied...

Dearest Taesha,

I am honored, to say the least, that you have selected me out of the hundred or so people that still play EQOA. I must, however, respectfully decline your invitation.

Unfortunately when I applied I was not aware that those chosen to "grade" my application were in fact illiterate. I would like to congratulate you and your fellow colleagues on completing the Hooked-on-Phonics course and grading my 3 paragraph application (i hope the multi-syllabic words didn't confuse you)... and to think you accomplished all of this in just 12 short months!

Alas, in the time that passed since I applied to the guide program I had what an alcholic would call a moment of clarity. I was able to see clearly, once my eyes stopped bleeding from staring at those horrific graphics, how truly pathetic EQOA is. In this moment of clarity I decided to sever my ties to this mmo with atari2600 graphics and devote all my free game time to mastering Q-bert!

In closing I'd like to thank you again for choosing me. Unfortunately since I have stopped playing this title I see no benefit to myself in joining the guide program. However if you provide me with naked pictures of you and/or another guide (preferably female) fucking a donkey on stage with Tiny Tim in the saddle I would sincerely reconsider my decision.

Sincerely,
Mike

P.S. I might change my mind for a blow job also... just throwing that out there

I wonder if she'll write back ?

Gekha · Post by **Gekha** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:19 pm

Lmfao did you seriusly reply that? Thats awesome.

Honestly though, that is pathetic. I applied to that program too and made it past the first "cut". Which only took about 4 months. Then we got super secret guide forum access (lame). So i quit and forgot about it till you posted this. Funny shit dude.

Severian · Post by **Severian** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:26 pm

Yup, sent it exactly as written here

I figured the worst that could happen is I'd have my SOE accounts suspended or banned and since there is zero chance of me playing another SOE mmo I said fuck it. I'm sure, considering how small their player base is, they are desperate for guides... who knows maybe i'll get a knob-job and some dirty pics

Sokaris · Post by **Sokaris** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:01 pm

Who exactly would you be guiding? It's not like they're being bombarded with new people playing the game.

Actually, I'd love the chanc to be a guide. "Yeah, this is Halas. Yeah, it's cool, but it absolutely fucking sucks now. Oh wow, look, looks like someone is in town..and yes, they're here because of the 17 armor quest, like I figured. No other reason to ever really come here again until you're like, 50.

This is the Halas tunnel. Back in the old days people used to actually meet up here and go quest, exp, etc. Now let's get you to Freeport where you will spend all of your time levelling to basically 40. Onward."

I don't know how you could possibly remain positive doing something like that. I wonder if there will be a guide-suicide outreach program.

xenmal · Post by **xenmal** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 4:18 am

lmao. that was awesome