Why I don't like Milwaukee's Best.

[Smelly old Hob]

so im with a couple of friends that came up for the weekend to party and one of their friends that has an apartment in town said we could stop by his place to pre-game and then find a party so we were walking through campus to get to the apartment and i remembered i said i would call my friend stacey if we were drinking so i called her up and she was like 'yea ill come just stop by my dorm and pick me up' so i told my friends i was gonna pick stacey up and they were like 'why so you can **** her well **** that we are gonna go get food call us when youre ready to drink' so i was like 'fine' and went to her dorm and she came down and let me in and was like 'i just have to shower so you can just chill in my dorm if you want' so i was just hangin out there while she went to shower but i really had to take a piss because i was like 5 beers deep from pre-pre gaming at my place and i didnt break the seal yet and i dont care what people say about breaking the seal being a myth because for me that **** is true but anyway i checked her window but it had a screen in it and i didnt want to piss through the screen because thats just a dick move but there was like nowhere else to piss because it was a girls only dorm so i went out in the hall to piss in the staircase but there were a bunch of girls standing by the doors to the stairs and guys arent supposed to be walking around without a girl for some dumbass reason and i already got written up for that **** once so i was like '**** it ill just piss in the girls bathroom' so i scoped it out and i was pretty sure the only girl in there was stacey taking a shower so i just ran in to the stall and locked the door and let it rip and man i had to pee so ****ing bad that i was pissin like a mother****er for a good two minutes and it was enough piss to drown a small child but all of the sudden some girl knocked on the stall door and was like 'WHO IS IN HERE' and i was thinkin 'oh **** oh ****' so i tried to make my best girly voice and was like 'its me laura who is this' and shes like 'cut the bull**** why are you standing up to take a piss' and i was like 'why are you looking at how i pee' but goddammit im such an idiot i didnt even ****ing think to sit down and pee and the girl outside was like 'i know your a guy and when you come out im writing you up' so i had to act fast and i just kicked the door open as hard as i could and bolted out of the bathroom towards the stairs and the ****ing girl ran after me and i was like 'hey you arent supposed to chase me' and she was catching up so when i got to the stairs i took a garbage can next to the door and threw it at her and it hit her legs and ****ing trash went everywhere and i ran down those stairs as fast as i ****ing could and burst out the fire exit and ran out into the night and looked back but nobody was following me so i called my friend and he was like 'did you get stacey yet' and i was like 'no im never ****ing going back to that building again' and he was like 'i wont even ask but dude we are gonna head over to kevins place so can you get the beer out of your car and meet us at subway' and i was like 'what the **** can i just walk through town with a case of beer im not even 21' and he was like 'im sure you'll be fine' so i was like 'fine give me 10 minutes' so i walked back to the parking garage and took the beer out of my trunk but i was trying to find something to hide it with so it didnt look like i was walking around with beer but all i could find was a sharpie in the trunk so wherever it said "milwaukee's best beer" i crossed out "beer" and wrote "soda" and yea i know milwaukee's best sucks ass and dont mistake me for someone who always drinks it because i prefer miller lite but this was all we could afford so i took my case of milwaukee's best soda and walked through town and met up with my friends at the subway and we got to that kevin dudes apartment and there were mad parties going on everywhere

[Smelly old Hob]

and people out on the balconies and **** but we couldnt get in without someone opening the door for us so they called kevin but he wouldnt pick up his phone so we had to wait outside until someone opened the door but nobody was ****ing coming and i went to put the case of beer down and the ****ing cardboard handle ripped and the entire ****ing box ripped in half and sent cans of beer rolling everywhere and my friends were like '**** GET THE ****ING BEER' and everyone on the balconies were like 'oh **** those dudes spilled their beers' so we are trying to scoop up all the beers and put them in our pockets and i went to grab a beer that was rolling down the hill but it rolled too far and a car ran it over and it was actually pretty awesome because the squashed can sprayed beer all over this dude talking on a cell phone and he was like 'ah WHAT THE ****' and just then some ****in' slammin chick comes up to me holding some of our beer and was like 'milwaukee's best huh' and i was like 'yea i know i know' and she was like 'i love that beer too and thats what we are drinkin at our party right now' and i was like 'wow awesome i dont really find too many people that like it' and shes like 'omg i know well we are partying up at 216 and you should stop by' and i was like 'maybe i will' and she let me into the apartment and my friends followed and i was like 'hey ill stop by in a few minutes we just gotta stop at my others friends place' and shes like 'word' so we got in the elevator and theres a ****ing security guy in there and he looks at me holding a half-ripped cardboard basket of milwaukee's best and he was like 'milwaukee's best' and im like 'yup' and hes like 'man why dont you drink a real beer' and i was like 'im ****in broke dude' and hes like 'oh that sucks' and he cracks open a miller high life and starts drinking it and i was like 'wow you are the most awesome security guard ive met' and hes like 'the names jim' and i was like 'alright later dude' and we got off on the fourth floor and my friends are kinda drunk and we like to run down hallways and knock all the door knockers so we ran down the hall knocking on everyones door and right as i knocked on one door some girl immediately opened it and was like 'wtf douchebag why are you knocking on this door' and i was like '**** you ***** mind your own business' and shes like 'no i aint gonna let nobody **** with these doors im sick of this ****' and i was like 'yea whatever you stupid ****' and met up with my friends on the other side of the hall and they were like 'wtf was that **** about' and i was like 'idk some crazy ***** so wheres this kids place' and my friend was like 'i think its room 412' so we knocked on 412 but nobody was answering so i knocked again and all of the sudden that crazy girl that was yelling at me comes running at us and was like 'GET THE **** AWAY FROM MY DOOR' and i was like 'wtf this is our friends apartment' and shes like 'no it ****ing isnt its my ****ing apartment and i sure as **** am not your friend' and just then kevin opens the door next to 412 and is like 'wtf are you guys doing' and i was like 'oh **** we thought it was 412' and hes like 'well youre an idiot get in here' and the girl was like 'wait you guys know kevin' and we were like 'yea' and she totally stopped being a ***** to us so we went inside kevin's apartment and there were a few chicks there that were somewhat ****able and one other guy but man there was a ****load of whiskey on the counter so i started doing shots with my friends and then someone knocked on the door and kevin was like 'yo dude could you get that' so i opened the door and it was that crazy chick that was yelling at us so i was like 'wtf are you knocking on my door you crazy ***** im sick of people knocking on my ****ing door' but as i was about to slam the door in her face kevin pushed me aside and started talking to her and me and my friends went out to the balcony to smoke and idk what happened while we were out there but when we came back there were like 15 people in the apartment

[Smelly old Hob]

and there was a ****load of beer but it was kinda cramped so i took some beers for everyone and went back out to the balcony so im on the balcony with my friends just chillin and we are lookin at people on the 2nd floor at that party and there were some hot ****ing girls on the balcony but all of the sudden something caught my eye on the third floor because the building was shaped like an L and i could see across to the other rooms and there was totally a dude and a chick making out on a couch in their apartment on the third floor but the curtains were open so i could see everything so i told my friends and we were all watching and they were makin out for like 10 minutes and people kept coming out to our balcony like 'hey whats going on here' and we'd be like 'those two people in 321 are about to ****' and in no time there were like 20 people out on our balcony staring at this couple making out and man they were doing some weird **** like the dude kept stroking her foot and **** and we are yelling to people on other balconies like 'YO CHECK OUT 321 THEYRE HAVING SEX' and half of the ****ing apartment complex must have been watching and the couple had no idea and then a dude in the room next to 321 went out for a smoke and i was like 'YO DUDE YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE ****ING' and he instantly ran inside and i saw him motion for everyone in his place to come outside and like 5 dudes came out on his balcony and were peeking over into 321 but just as the couple were starting to **** the dude got up and left the room and came back like 5 minutes later and started watching tv so i have no idea wtf happened but we were so pissed we were all yelling **** like 'the dude in 321 cant get it up' and all the other balconies were yelling **** and i was just chucking my empty beers over the balcony as i was finishing them and i threw over my newest empty beer and heard it hit a car below and i was like 'oh ****' and went to look to see who i hit and my friend was like 'dude that was a ****ing cop you dumbass' and the cop was getting out of his car so i was like 'we gotta leave now' and we went back inside and ran out to the hall and got the **** out of kevins place and my friend was like 'ok where to now' and i was like 'lets go to that party on the 2nd floor that girl invited me to' so we went down there and this party was so ****ing huge that there were people out in the hallway playing beer pong and **** so im trying to make my way inside and all of the sudden a girl yells 'hey its milwaukee guy' and i look and its the girl that invited us and she grabbed me by my pants and pulled me over to the kitchen and was like 'we're doing shots' and she pours me a triple shot from some water bottle and pours one for herself and im getting pretty trashed by now so i just downed it and the second i finished i knew it was ****ing vodka and i should have asked what it was because every single time i drink vodka it comes right back up a few minutes later after it has time to **** me up and i have no idea what it is because i can do shots of anything else no problem but ****ing vodka will make me puke every time ever since i drank way too much of it at a party last year so i was like 'OH NO IS THAT VODKA' and shes like 'yessss' so i was like 'ill be right back' and i tried to get to the bathroom because i can already feel the puke coming up but this party was packed and the line for the bathroom was like 10 people long so i went to get out to the balcony and that was packed too so i had to think fast and opened up an entertainment center cabinet and stuck my head in and puked all over an empty shelf and put a DVD on top of the puke and shut the cabinet door and i dont think anyone saw me

[Smelly old Hob]

so i was looking around to make sure i was in the clear and a bunch of people came in from the balcony and were like 'DUDE THERES A ****LOAD OF COPS COMING INSIDE' and if the cops were headed anywhere it was for this huge ****ing party so people are running towards the door but people are coming in from the hallway and are like 'THERES ****ING COPS IN THE HALL' so we are ****ing trapped so i looked around and saw there was a bedroom next to the bathroom and i tried opening the door but it was locked but it felt like a cheap door so i just put my shoulder into it and the door broke through the lock and when i got inside there were two people having sex on the bed and the guy was like 'dude wtf' and i was like 'sorry next time you should lock your door' and he was like 'we did and you busted it' and i was like 'thats not important man the ****ing cops are coming' and they were like 'oh ****' and got up and ran out and i went to the window and opened it and pushed the screen out thinking i could jump and get the **** out of there but when i looked down i was way higher than i thought i was and it was like a good 15 feet to the ground but there were bushes below that could break my fall so i was seriously considering it and other people on balconies must have seen me and they were like 'JUMP DUDE' and 'CMON DUDE DO IT YOU WONT' and when im drunk and someone says 'do it you wont' it almost always works so i was like **** it and put my hood up and jumped and fell on those bushes ****ing hard and my leg hurt like a mother****er and the bushes were cutting up my arms and face but i ****ing made it out of the apartment and everyone watching was like '**** YEAH WOOOH' and as i was getting up i guess some guy on the balcony of the party i just left saw me do it and thought he could do it but he was even more wasted than i was so he tried to jump and ****ing completely missed the bushes and it looked like he was trying to land on a dumpster but he wasnt quite close enough to it and ended up slamming his head hard as **** on the metal side of the dumpster and just plopped down on the ground and damn that dude was either dead or knocked the **** out but some cop saw the whole thing happen and i was just like 'oh ****' and started running as fast as i could while limping on my leg and the cop is like 'STOP GET BACK HERE' but i ran down to college ave and didnt look back but i could hear his footsteps coming after me but luckily the light was just turning green on the street so i ran across just before all the cars started coming and the cop couldnt cross and i looked back and was like '**** YOU PIG' and kept running and hopped on a bus that was about to leave at a bus stop down the road and i sat down and tried to catch my breath and its crazy i get this like drunk adrenaline when im in trouble and i managed to escape all that crazy **** so im on the bus and i flipped my sweatshirt inside out and took my hat off in case the cop managed to catch up with the bus so im sittin there and i can kinda feel the girl next to me staring at me so i look

[Smelly old Hob]

and shes like 'you're the guy who threw a garbage can at me' and i was like 'huh' and then i realized it was that ****ing RA that tried to write me up for peeing in the girls room man what are the ****ing odds of that **** well i guess they were pretty good because the bus stop i got on was right by the dorm i ran from but i was thinking i should just ****ing run but i realized shes just a girl on a bus and she doesnt have any actual authority now so i was like 'oh **** hey whats up' and she was like 'if i ever see you in that dorm again ill have you arrested you almost ****ing killed me with that garbage can' and i was like 'bull**** lady i threw it at your legs' and she was like 'whats your name' and i was like 'do you think im ****ing stupid why the **** would i tell you my name' and she shut up and we just sat there in an awkward silence as the bus approached the next stop and i was starting to feel kinda sick again because it was so ****ing hot on the bus and i kinda had to throw up but it wasnt urgent so i waited until the bus got to the next stop and then i gagged myself and puked right on that girl's feet and was like 'see ya' and ran off the bus but man i am screwed if i ever run into her at that dorm again so im gonna have to wear like a fake moustache or something but anyway i got far enough away from the bus so i started walking again and my cell phone rang and it was one of my friends i went to the party with and i completely forgot about them so i answered and was like 'sup' and he was like 'dude where the **** have you been' and i was like 'i was at that party man where did you guys go' and he was like 'we left because someone said cops were coming' and they told me to meet up with them at the hookah lounge so i walked over there and met up with them and as soon as i walked in they were like 'wtf happened to you' and i was like 'what' and someone was like 'youre face is bleeding' so i told them all the **** that happened and we smoked some hookah and went home and drank some more and that is the last i remember of that night but let this be a warning to everyone that if you ever have to pee in a girls bathroom you should make sure you remember to sit down while you pee

[Saelec]

Drinking stories are the best.

Oh, and the moral is a good one. lol

[Copia]

[Wall of Text] crits you for [fucking awesome]

[Terryn]

3 chears for the [Edit] and [Quote] buttons for being right next to eachother -_-

[Terryn]

so im with a couple of friends that came up for the weekend to party and one of their friends that has an apartment in town said we could stop by his place to pre-game and then find a party so we were walking through campus to get to the apartment and i remembered i said i would call my friend stacey if we were drinking so i called her up and she was like 'yea ill come just stop by my dorm and pick me up' so i told my friends i was gonna pick stacey up and they were like 'why so you can **** her well **** that we are gonna go get food call us when youre ready to drink' so i was like 'fine' and went to her dorm and she came down and let me in and was like 'i just have to shower so you can just chill in my dorm if you want' so i was just hangin out there while she went to shower but i really had to take a piss because i was like 5 beers deep from pre-pre gaming at my place and i didnt break the seal yet and i dont care what people say about breaking the seal being a myth because for me that **** is true but anyway i checked her window but it had a screen in it and i didnt want to piss through the screen because thats just a dick move but there was like nowhere else to piss because it was a girls only dorm so i went out in the hall to piss in the staircase but there were a bunch of girls standing by the doors to the stairs and guys arent supposed to be walking around without a girl for some dumbass reason and i already got written up for that **** once so i was like '**** it ill just piss in the girls bathroom' so i scoped it out and i was pretty sure the only girl in there was stacey taking a shower so i just ran in to the stall and locked the door and let it rip and man i had to pee so ****ing bad that i was pissin like a mother****er for a good two minutes and it was enough piss to drown a small child but all of the sudden some girl knocked on the stall door and was like 'WHO IS IN HERE' and i was thinkin 'oh **** oh ****' so i tried to make my best girly voice and was like 'its me laura who is this' and shes like 'cut the bull**** why are you standing up to take a piss' and i was like 'why are you looking at how i pee' but goddammit im such an idiot i didnt even ****ing think to sit down and pee and the girl outside was like 'i know your a guy and when you come out im writing you up' so i had to act fast and i just kicked the door open as hard as i could and bolted out of the bathroom towards the stairs and the ****ing girl ran after me and i was like 'hey you arent supposed to chase me' and she was catching up so when i got to the stairs i took a garbage can next to the door and threw it at her and it hit her legs and ****ing trash went everywhere and i ran down those stairs as fast as i ****ing could and burst out the fire exit and ran out into the night and looked back but nobody was following me so i called my friend and he was like 'did you get stacey yet' and i was like 'no im never ****ing going back to that building again' and he was like 'i wont even ask but dude we are gonna head over to kevins place so can you get the beer out of your car and meet us at subway' and i was like 'what the **** can i just walk through town with a case of beer im not even 21' and he was like 'im sure you'll be fine' so i was like 'fine give me 10 minutes' so i walked back to the parking garage and took the beer out of my trunk but i was trying to find something to hide it with so it didnt look like i was walking around with beer but all i could find was a sharpie in the trunk so wherever it said "milwaukee's best beer" i crossed out "beer" and wrote "soda" and yea i know milwaukee's best sucks ass and dont mistake me for someone who always drinks it because i prefer miller lite but this was all we could afford so i took my case of milwaukee's best soda and walked through town and met up with my friends at the subway and we got to that kevin dudes apartment and there were mad parties going on everywhere and people out on the balconies and **** but we couldnt get in without someone opening the door for us so they called kevin but he wouldnt pick up his phone so we had to wait outside until someone opened the door but nobody was ****ing coming and i went to put the case of beer down and the ****ing cardboard handle ripped and the entire ****ing box ripped in half and sent cans of beer rolling everywhere and my friends were like '**** GET THE ****ING BEER' and everyone on the balconies were like 'oh **** those dudes spilled their beers' so we are trying to scoop up all the beers and put them in our pockets and i went to grab a beer that was rolling down the hill but it rolled too far and a car ran it over and it was actually pretty awesome because the squashed can sprayed beer all over this dude talking on a cell phone and he was like 'ah WHAT THE ****' and just then some ****in' slammin chick comes up to me holding some of our beer and was like 'milwaukee's best huh' and i was like 'yea i know i know' and she was like 'i love that beer too and thats what we are drinkin at our party right now' and i was like 'wow awesome i dont really find too many people that like it' and shes like 'omg i know well we are partying up at 216 and you should stop by' and i was like 'maybe i will' and she let me into the apartment and my friends followed and i was like 'hey ill stop by in a few minutes we just gotta stop at my others friends place' and shes like 'word' so we got in the elevator and theres a ****ing security guy in there and he looks at me holding a half-ripped cardboard basket of milwaukee's best and he was like 'milwaukee's best' and im like 'yup' and hes like 'man why dont you drink a real beer' and i was like 'im ****in broke dude' and hes like 'oh that sucks' and he cracks open a miller high life and starts drinking it and i was like 'wow you are the most awesome security guard ive met' and hes like 'the names jim' and i was like 'alright later dude' and we got off on the fourth floor and my friends are kinda drunk and we like to run down hallways and knock all the door knockers so we ran down the hall knocking on everyones door and right as i knocked on one door some girl immediately opened it and was like 'wtf douchebag why are you knocking on this door' and i was like '**** you ***** mind your own business' and shes like 'no i aint gonna let nobody **** with these doors im sick of this ****' and i was like 'yea whatever you stupid ****' and met up with my friends on the other side of the hall and they were like 'wtf was that **** about' and i was like 'idk some crazy ***** so wheres this kids place' and my friend was like 'i think its room 412' so we knocked on 412 but nobody was answering so i knocked again and all of the sudden that crazy girl that was yelling at me comes running at us and was like 'GET THE **** AWAY FROM MY DOOR' and i was like 'wtf this is our friends apartment' and shes like 'no it ****ing isnt its my ****ing apartment and i sure as **** am not your friend' and just then kevin opens the door next to 412 and is like 'wtf are you guys doing' and i was like 'oh **** we thought it was 412' and hes like 'well youre an idiot get in here' and the girl was like 'wait you guys know kevin' and we were like 'yea' and she totally stopped being a ***** to us so we went inside kevin's apartment and there were a few chicks there that were somewhat ****able and one other guy but man there was a ****load of whiskey on the counter so i started doing shots with my friends and then someone knocked on the door and kevin was like 'yo dude could you get that' so i opened the door and it was that crazy chick that was yelling at us so i was like 'wtf are you knocking on my door you crazy ***** im sick of people knocking on my ****ing door' but as i was about to slam the door in her face kevin pushed me aside and started talking to her and me and my friends went out to the balcony to smoke and idk what happened while we were out there but when we came back there were like 15 people in the apartment and there was a ****load of beer but it was kinda cramped so i took some beers for everyone and went back out to the balcony so im on the balcony with my friends just chillin and we are lookin at people on the 2nd floor at that party and there were some hot ****ing girls on the balcony but all of the sudden something caught my eye on the third floor because the building was shaped like an L and i could see across to the other rooms and there was totally a dude and a chick making out on a couch in their apartment on the third floor but the curtains were open so i could see everything so i told my friends and we were all watching and they were makin out for like 10 minutes and people kept coming out to our balcony like 'hey whats going on here' and we'd be like 'those two people in 321 are about to ****' and in no time there were like 20 people out on our balcony staring at this couple making out and man they were doing some weird **** like the dude kept stroking her foot and **** and we are yelling to people on other balconies like 'YO CHECK OUT 321 THEYRE HAVING SEX' and half of the ****ing apartment complex must have been watching and the couple had no idea and then a dude in the room next to 321 went out for a smoke and i was like 'YO DUDE YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE ****ING' and he instantly ran inside and i saw him motion for everyone in his place to come outside and like 5 dudes came out on his balcony and were peeking over into 321 but just as the couple were starting to **** the dude got up and left the room and came back like 5 minutes later and started watching tv so i have no idea wtf happened but we were so pissed we were all yelling **** like 'the dude in 321 cant get it up' and all the other balconies were yelling **** and i was just chucking my empty beers over the balcony as i was finishing them and i threw over my newest empty beer and heard it hit a car below and i was like 'oh ****' and went to look to see who i hit and my friend was like 'dude that was a ****ing cop you dumbass' and the cop was getting out of his car so i was like 'we gotta leave now' and we went back inside and ran out to the hall and got the **** out of kevins place and my friend was like 'ok where to now' and i was like 'lets go to that party on the 2nd floor that girl invited me to' so we went down there and this party was so ****ing huge that there were people out in the hallway playing beer pong and **** so im trying to make my way inside and all of the sudden a girl yells 'hey its milwaukee guy' and i look and its the girl that invited us and she grabbed me by my pants and pulled me over to the kitchen and was like 'we're doing shots' and she pours me a triple shot from some water bottle and pours one for herself and im getting pretty trashed by now so i just downed it and the second i finished i knew it was ****ing vodka and i should have asked what it was because every single time i drink vodka it comes right back up a few minutes later after it has time to **** me up and i have no idea what it is because i can do shots of anything else no problem but ****ing vodka will make me puke every time ever since i drank way too much of it at a party last year so i was like 'OH NO IS THAT VODKA' and shes like 'yessss' so i was like 'ill be right back' and i tried to get to the bathroom because i can already feel the puke coming up but this party was packed and the line for the bathroom was like 10 people long so i went to get out to the balcony and that was packed too so i had to think fast and opened up an entertainment center cabinet and stuck my head in and puked all over an empty shelf and put a DVD on top of the puke and shut the cabinet door and i dont think anyone saw meso i was looking around to make sure i was in the clear and a bunch of people came in from the balcony and were like 'DUDE THERES A ****LOAD OF COPS COMING INSIDE' and if the cops were headed anywhere it was for this huge ****ing party so people are running towards the door but people are coming in from the hallway and are like 'THERES ****ING COPS IN THE HALL' so we are ****ing trapped so i looked around and saw there was a bedroom next to the bathroom and i tried opening the door but it was locked but it felt like a cheap door so i just put my shoulder into it and the door broke through the lock and when i got inside there were two people having sex on the bed and the guy was like 'dude wtf' and i was like 'sorry next time you should lock your door' and he was like 'we did and you busted it' and i was like 'thats not important man the ****ing cops are coming' and they were like 'oh ****' and got up and ran out and i went to the window and opened it and pushed the screen out thinking i could jump and get the **** out of there but when i looked down i was way higher than i thought i was and it was like a good 15 feet to the ground but there were bushes below that could break my fall so i was seriously considering it and other people on balconies must have seen me and they were like 'JUMP DUDE' and 'CMON DUDE DO IT YOU WONT' and when im drunk and someone says 'do it you wont' it almost always works so i was like **** it and put my hood up and jumped and fell on those bushes ****ing hard and my leg hurt like a mother****er and the bushes were cutting up my arms and face but i ****ing made it out of the apartment and everyone watching was like '**** YEAH WOOOH' and as i was getting up i guess some guy on the balcony of the party i just left saw me do it and thought he could do it but he was even more wasted than i was so he tried to jump and ****ing completely missed the bushes and it looked like he was trying to land on a dumpster but he wasnt quite close enough to it and ended up slamming his head hard as **** on the metal side of the dumpster and just plopped down on the ground and damn that dude was either dead or knocked the **** out but some cop saw the whole thing happen and i was just like 'oh ****' and started running as fast as i could while limping on my leg and the cop is like 'STOP GET BACK HERE' but i ran down to college ave and didnt look back but i could hear his footsteps coming after me but luckily the light was just turning green on the street so i ran across just before all the cars started coming and the cop couldnt cross and i looked back and was like '**** YOU PIG' and kept running and hopped on a bus that was about to leave at a bus stop down the road and i sat down and tried to catch my breath and its crazy i get this like drunk adrenaline when im in trouble and i managed to escape all that crazy **** so im on the bus and i flipped my sweatshirt inside out and took my hat off in case the cop managed to catch up with the bus so im sittin there and i can kinda feel the girl next to me staring at me so i look and shes like 'you're the guy who threw a garbage can at me' and i was like 'huh' and then i realized it was that ****ing RA that tried to write me up for peeing in the girls room man what are the ****ing odds of that **** well i guess they were pretty good because the bus stop i got on was right by the dorm i ran from but i was thinking i should just ****ing run but i realized shes just a girl on a bus and she doesnt have any actual authority now so i was like 'oh **** hey whats up' and she was like 'if i ever see you in that dorm again ill have you arrested you almost ****ing killed me with that garbage can' and i was like 'bull**** lady i threw it at your legs' and she was like 'whats your name' and i was like 'do you think im ****ing stupid why the **** would i tell you my name' and she shut up and we just sat there in an awkward silence as the bus approached the next stop and i was starting to feel kinda sick again because it was so ****ing hot on the bus and i kinda had to throw up but it wasnt urgent so i waited until the bus got to the next stop and then i gagged myself and puked right on that girl's feet and was like 'see ya' and ran off the bus but man i am screwed if i ever run into her at that dorm again so im gonna have to wear like a fake moustache or something but anyway i got far enough away from the bus so i started walking again and my cell phone rang and it was one of my friends i went to the party with and i completely forgot about them so i answered and was like 'sup' and he was like 'dude where the **** have you been' and i was like 'i was at that party man where did you guys go' and he was like 'we left because someone said cops were coming' and they told me to meet up with them at the hookah lounge so i walked over there and met up with them and as soon as i walked in they were like 'wtf happened to you' and i was like 'what' and someone was like 'youre face is bleeding' so i told them all the **** that happened and we smoked some hookah and went home and drank some more and that is the last i remember of that night but let this be a warning to everyone that if you ever have to pee in a girls bathroom you should make sure you remember to sit down while you pee

tldr

[Thine]

**** got fucking old and "like" was used way too much. nice story though I give you 8/10