Written by Felhound, gamefaqs.
It was summer and the neighborhood just wasn't safe anymore. Local thugs pelted strangers with water grenades and all the mailboxes on the street seemed to be plotting something. These dire times create and forge heroes such as me.
You may be curious as to what sort of powers one such as myself may posses. I have the ability to utilize The Force, which allows me to run at high speeds. I have so far been able to clock a clean thirty minute mile thus far. The Force also allows me to jump and clear such obstacles as curbs and small bushes, so long as they don't have any thorns to snag my robe.
Over time I developed other such abilities within the force. At my local grocery store I obtained those stretchy, sticky hands from the quarter machines by the exit (At the suggestion of some unknown LUEser). Such devices augmented my already potent abilities and allow me to retrieve small items at a distance along with the ability to perform a wicked Force Slap.
The Force also allows me to manipulate those around me with the power of persuasion. Not so long ago I was at the local Denny's eating a lumberjack slam when my soda ran dry. I signaled the nearest waitress and with the simple wave of my hand and spoken word I got a refill. Impressive, isn't it?
Every warrior needs a weapon to help defend the peace. Those such as myself wield great weapons of power known as lightsabers. I spent a long day in the garage of my enclave forging such a weapon utilizing PVC pipe and duct tape. With such a weapon, and my green bathrobe about me, I was ready to restore peace to the neighborhood.
Who am I, you ask? My name is Obese-wan.
I am a Jedi.
(To Be Continued)
The Legend of Obese-Wan, the Morbidly Obese Jedi.
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Smelly old Hob
- Registered Member
- Posts: 758
- Joined: Dec 24, 2005
- Location: Holloway Sanatorium
-
Smelly old Hob
- Registered Member
- Posts: 758
- Joined: Dec 24, 2005
- Location: Holloway Sanatorium
CONTINUED
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You may wonder what kind of foes I have done battle with. I have made many enemies in my day, including but not limited to: Vacuum cleaners, futons, small children and, of course, mailboxes.
I exited my enclave one afternoon after having played a rousing game of Dungeons & Dragons as my obsessive compulsive gnome fighter, Pepto Bismol.
It was a warm day outside, as was common for the area. Yet it was uncharacteristically silent, with a sense of unease clinging to the air like the calm before the storm.
Out of the corner of my eye I spied a small red shape, so I turned to investigate. The mailbox out front had it's flag up, as if taunting me with some perverse, rude gesture. Not so long ago the copy of Paper Mario that I ordered got lost in the mail, and this crude obelisk served as nothing but a painful reminder of my loss.
I gripped my saber firmly, not unlike how I'd grasp a hot dog or perhaps a churro. Which really are delicious and can be purchased quite cheaply at the local Costco, but I digress.
With Jedi speed I bounded towards the mailbox and swung my first blow, which bounced off ineffectively. Several other attacks were similarly ineffective and I soon found myself tiring. In my fatigued and weakened state I stumbled forward and cut my forearm on the crude metal object.
This foe was clearly beyond me, so I beat a hasty retreat. Turning back only to flash the "Force finger" at my nemesis.
I rested for the remainder of the day and trained my piloting skills on TIE Fighter.
I made a detailed map of my surrounding area, or "Cul-de-sac" as I like to call it. The green box is my enclave and the red M is the mailbox. Ignore all the other symbols for now as I'll explain them later.
http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc11 ... ff/map.jpg
TO BE CONTINUED
----------
My Name is Obese-Wan.
I am a Jedi
----------
You may wonder what kind of foes I have done battle with. I have made many enemies in my day, including but not limited to: Vacuum cleaners, futons, small children and, of course, mailboxes.
I exited my enclave one afternoon after having played a rousing game of Dungeons & Dragons as my obsessive compulsive gnome fighter, Pepto Bismol.
It was a warm day outside, as was common for the area. Yet it was uncharacteristically silent, with a sense of unease clinging to the air like the calm before the storm.
Out of the corner of my eye I spied a small red shape, so I turned to investigate. The mailbox out front had it's flag up, as if taunting me with some perverse, rude gesture. Not so long ago the copy of Paper Mario that I ordered got lost in the mail, and this crude obelisk served as nothing but a painful reminder of my loss.
I gripped my saber firmly, not unlike how I'd grasp a hot dog or perhaps a churro. Which really are delicious and can be purchased quite cheaply at the local Costco, but I digress.
With Jedi speed I bounded towards the mailbox and swung my first blow, which bounced off ineffectively. Several other attacks were similarly ineffective and I soon found myself tiring. In my fatigued and weakened state I stumbled forward and cut my forearm on the crude metal object.
This foe was clearly beyond me, so I beat a hasty retreat. Turning back only to flash the "Force finger" at my nemesis.
I rested for the remainder of the day and trained my piloting skills on TIE Fighter.
I made a detailed map of my surrounding area, or "Cul-de-sac" as I like to call it. The green box is my enclave and the red M is the mailbox. Ignore all the other symbols for now as I'll explain them later.
http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc11 ... ff/map.jpg
TO BE CONTINUED
----------
My Name is Obese-Wan.
I am a Jedi
